What If It's Right? Read online

  Copyright © 2016 by JB Heller

  All rights reserved.

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  Dedication

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Epilogue

  About the Author

  Also by J.B. Heller

  This book is dedicated to all the couples who had to fight to be together.

  To those that looked negativity and judgement in the face and stood tall in their love.

  She released a strangled groan, “Weston,” my name on her lips, that soft breathy moan did something to my rational thoughts, and I closed the distance between our mouths and did all the things I’ve been aching to do to that lip.

  Tory’s hands slid up into my hair as she clung to me. I pulled away just a whisper, “Don’t make me keep waiting, Tory.” I breathed.

  She shuddered under my palms, then she closed her eyes so tight her nose crinkled. “Weston, this is so wrong.”

  Smoothing my thumb over her lip again, making her eyes flash open, I grinned at her, “But what if it’s right?”

  Fourteen Years Ago . . .

  I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face as the wind whipped through my hair, sending it flying around me. My stomach dipped and lurched, but my smile grew wider. I glanced at my nephew Finn, clutching the safety bar locked in around his chest for dear life. But his smile was just as wide as mine.

  “Woo!” he screamed out in joy. I joined him as the rollercoaster took its final dive.

  When it came to a stop I helped him out of his seat, his legs wobbled under him. “That was so cool! Can we do it again?” his big brown eyes melted my heart.

  “Hell yeah we can. But we better check on your mum first. She’s probably having heart palpitations right now, we better go let her know you survived.” I laughed.

  Finn rolled his eyes, “She’s such a chicken.”

  I ruffled his hair, “I know, but that’s what you’ve got me for. To do all the cool stuff with you.” I said with a wink then took his hand as we exited the ride and found my sister at the gate waiting for us.

  Her hands were clenched around the railing so tight her knuckles had turned white. When she caught sight of us she released a relieved sigh and clutched her hand over her heart. “Oh my god! You are never going on a death trap like that again! I can’t believe I let you talk me into letting Finn go on that thing.” She said as she pulled Finn into her arms and held him tight.

  It was my turn to roll my eyes, “Chill out Jacq, let the kid live a little. Look at him, he’s fine.”

  Finn lifted his head and looked up into her eyes, “It was so awesome, Mum. Can I go again? Pleeease!”

  Jacq smiled down at her son and sighed, “I’m sure it was awesome, but there is no way you are going on that thing again. Not today anyway. My heart just about jumped right out of my chest.”

  “But Mum . . .” Finn whined.

  She shook her head, “Maybe next year. Let’s go ride the dodge ’em cars!”

  Finns face lit up and he nodded eagerly, then took off in the direction of the dodge ‘ems. Jacq and I followed him closely, making sure not to lose sight of him in the crowd. I hooked my arm through my sister’s, “How can you say no to that face?” I asked her, genuinely interested.

  She laughed at me, “Just wait until you have kids, Tory.”

  “Dude, no. It’s not going to happen. Not now, not ever.” I said on a chuckle.

  We bought our tickets and each found a car. When the buzzer sounded I rammed straight into the side of Finn’s car, sending his blue car in a spin until he was facing me. His wicked little smile lit up and he pushed his foot to the floor and came at me head on, sending me flying backwards.

  I couldn’t laugh any harder if I tried. Jacq got in on the action too, and I lost count of the amount of times her purple car rammed me. I loved my sister, as uptight as she could be, she was also awesome.

  The rest of the day flew by with hotdogs, laughter, and way too much candy.

  Finn was practically comatose on the drive home, flopped back in his seat, his little hands clutching his tummy, “Uhh, my tummy hurts.” He complained.

  “I told you to stop eating, but no, you didn’t listen to me. You did this to yourself, Finn.” My sister scolded.

  “I know, I know. I’m a rebel, I can’t help it, Mum.” Finn shot back.

  I had to cover my mouth to stop my laughter and Jacq sent me a sidelong glare. I shrugged, “The kid is hilarious, it’s not my fault.”

  Jacq rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything else. It was just on dusk, and after spending the whole day at the city show, we were all exhausted. I closed my eyes and laid my head back on my headrest, and promptly fell asleep.

  The next thing I knew my head was tossed to the side smacking against the window with such force the glass smashed.

  I tried to gain my bearings but everything was blurry and spinning out of control. I screamed when my eyes were finally able to focus and I saw Jacq’s body hanging limply at an odd angle, blood covered half her beautiful face. “Jacq,” I screamed, “Jacq, wake up!”

  A groan sounded from the back seat, oh god, Finn. I tried to turn around to see him, but my arm was pinned, restricting my movement. “Finn, buddy, you okay?” I called to him.

  “Tory,” he cried, “Mummy isn’t moving, why isn’t Mummy moving!” he panted then screamed, “Mummy!”

  “She’s okay buddy, we’re going to be okay.” My voice shook with exertion. My chest constricted as the words passed my lips. It was the biggest lie I had ever told.

  Jacq had hit an oil slick on the road causing the car to spin out of control and collide with oncoming traffic. Her side of the car had taken the brunt of the impact, she died instantly.

  Finn escaped with a few scratches from the broken glass, and a broken wrist.

  My forearm had been pinned between my seat and the frame of the car. Fireman had to use The Jaws of Life to free me. My arm was so badly damaged you could see the bone sticking through the broken skin.

  The emotional scars from that day would haunt us long after our bones mended and our scars healed.

  Thirteen Years Ago . . .

  “Finn, I’m not arguing with you about this. You have to go to school!” I was raising my voice, I hated raising my voice at him, but he was really pushing my buttons this morning.

  “NO!” he yelled back. “Everyone looks at me weird, I hate it.”

  Sighing, I sat down at the table and pushed my fingers into my hair. I was only nineteen, I wasn’t equipped to raise a nine year old kid. I was practically a kid myself. “Why do you think they look at you weird, Finn?” I asked, exasperated.

  He flopped down in the chair across from mine, “Because I don’t have a mum anymore.”

  The pain in his voice pierced my heart and I struggled to keep my composure in front of him. “Finn, buddy, you will always have your mum. She just lives in our hearts now.”

  I watched him fight b
ack his tears, it wasn’t fair that he had to go through this. He clenched his little fists and slammed them on the table, “I don’t want her in my heart! I want her here!” Then he got up and ran down the hall to his room, seconds later I heard his door slam shut.

  As soon as I heard the sound of his lock engage, I broke down. He wouldn’t be coming out of his room today. And I wouldn’t be going to work. I pressed my forehead to the table, “I know you thought I could do this Jacq, but I can’t. I can’t replace you.” I sobbed quietly against the timber, and begged my dead sister to send me a sign, anything to help me make sense of her decision to leave her son in my care.

  Finn’s dad died a week after his second birthday in an explosion on the oil rig he worked on. Jacq had been devastated, but having Finn helped her heal.

  And there was my answer, we were supposed to help each other heal.

  I got up and went to the bathroom to wash my face. Looking at my reflection I didn’t see a nineteen year old girl with her whole life ahead of her. No, I saw a sad, unsure girl who hoped like hell she was making the right choices. Since now all my decisions effected not only myself, but more importantly, Finn.

  I scrubbed my hands down my face again before drying it off and heading out to call my boss. Work had been surprisingly supportive and understanding over the last twelve months. But I worried their patience with me was wearing thin. Although they never made me feel that way, I just couldn’t imagine it was easy covering for me whenever Finn had a meltdown.

  A corporate company wouldn’t be as lenient and I thanked my lucky stars Finer Furnishings was a family run store. I’d started working there years ago as my first after school job, and I never left. When I graduated high school they offered me a full time managerial position, so I stayed.

  “Hi Maz, I’m sorry for the late notice, but Finn isn’t doing so good today. I can’t come in.” I spoke into the phone while picking at my nails sure that today would be the day they had enough of me.

  “Okay honey, you just take care of that boy of yours. We’ll figure something out here.”

  I sighed heavily, “Thanks Maz, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be foolish. You’re all that boy has. You know how we feel about Finn, just look after him and I’ll look after things here.” She replied.

  “Thank you.” I murmured then hung up.

  I took another minute to pull myself together before going down to Finn’s room and knocking on his door. “Can I come in?” I asked.

  “No.” he yelled back.

  “Please Finn, let me in buddy. I just wanna sit with you.” I said, leaning my head against the door.

  A minute passed, then I heard the lock disengage and I pushed on the handle to let myself in, closing the door behind me. Finn was back sitting in the corner of his bed that was tucked against two walls. He looked so small, so helpless.

  I crawled across to him and pulled him into my side. “What are we going to do, bud?”

  He shrugged against my side, “I don’t know.”

  Ruffling his hair I sighed, “Me either buddy, but we’ll figure it out. I promise.”

  “I know Tory, but I wish we didn’t have to.” He sobbed into my shoulder and I squeezed him tighter.

  Inside I knew there was nobody else who could take care of Finn the way I could. We didn’t have any other family left. Finn had no grandparents on his father’s side, I had never bothered to find out what happened to them when I had the chance. My own parents had both passed when I was fifteen within a few months of each other. I was a change of life baby, my mother was fifty-five when she had me, my father already in his early sixties.

  We sat in silence for the next half hour, then I felt Finn’s little body relax against me and his breathing evened out. I pressed a kiss to his crown, my beautiful boy. I knew why Jacq had left him with me, we needed each other. As long as I still had Finn, I still had my sister too. And as long as Finn had me, he still had his mother.

  Twelve Years Ago . . .

  Finn and I sat eating coco puffs for breakfast when I asked, “So, what do you want to do for your birthday this year?”

  He looked at me briefly, then back to his bowl, “I want to move.” He whispered.

  I couldn’t have heard him right, this was Jacq’s house, and he wanted to move? I didn’t understand. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you, buddy.”

  His big brown eyes met mine, and he swallowed hard, “I want to move,” he repeated.

  Trying not to let my shock show, I shovelled another spoonful of cereal into my mouth. When I swallowed, he was still looking at me, uncertain of my reaction. I put my spoon down and steepled my hands over my bowl. “Why?” When his face fell I continued, “I’m not saying no, I’m just asking why, that’s all.”

  His shoulders relaxed and he mimicked my pose, “I want to go somewhere where nobody knows what happened to Mum. I want to be a normal boy, but people still feel sorry for me and treat me different.”

  I nodded, because I knew what he meant, it had been two years and we still got sympathetic stares when we did the groceries or walked down the main street. Maybe a fresh start would be good for both of us. “Where would you like to go?”

  Finn scratched his chin, “Somewhere far away.”

  I frowned, “I’m open to the idea of moving Finn, but we don’t have to go far away to start fresh, you know. Hell, we could even stay here and you could just change schools if you want.”

  He shook his head. “No, that wouldn’t work. The neighbours still know, the whole neighbourhood knows. I want to go somewhere nobody knows. And pretend that you’re my real mum.”

  “Oh, okay.” I mumbled. Finn was a smart and charismatic kid. Before Jacq died he was the kid that all the others wanted to be friends with. But after, people didn’t know how to be around him, around us. And his friends, well they were just kids, and Finn had been through something none of them would ever be able to understand. They all fell away over time.

  “So you’ve been thinking about this for a while, huh?” I asked him.

  He nodded, “Yep, I’ve decided this is what I want for my birthday. I don’t want a party, or a cake. I just want to move.”

  I’d do anything for Finn, and if moving would help him then that’s what we were going to do. “Alright buddy, should I get out a map? Or have you already thought of where you want to go?”

  Finn smiled widely, “I’ve been googling a few places.”

  It was the first real smile I’d seen on him in so long. I’d pack up and go wherever he wanted if it meant he would smile like that again, like a normal ten year old boy.

  I got up and fetched my laptop bringing it back over to sit beside him. “Okay, lets check out some places, hey.”

  Finn beamed at me, then his arms were around my neck squeezing, “Thank you, Tory.”

  Six weeks later . . .

  “That’s the last box Miss Dixon, is there anything else you’d like us to move around for you before we head out?” the mover asked, carrying in the large box with the TV inside.

  “No thanks, I think we’re good.” I told him as I turned in a full circle taking in our new home.

  “Okay then, we’ll be off. Have fun unpacking,” he said after placing the TV on the floor by a power point in the lounge room. Then he was gone and it was just me and Finn.

  “Finn, you pick your bedroom yet?” I called as I made my way down the hallway to find him.

  “Yup,” his voice guided me down to the last door at the end of the hallway.

  Leaning against the door frame, I crossed my arms, “Why this one?”

  He was looking out the window, “I like the tree,” he said gesturing with his chin to the large tree that sat between the fence and the house.

  I smiled, he used to climb trees all the time, before we lost Jacq. “Maybe you can show me how to climb it . . .” I joked.

  He laughed softly, “Nah, you’re too old. You’ll break a hip if you fall.”

  I gasped, “I am
not old! You’re going to pay for that, you little punk.” I said right before I pounced, grabbing him by the waist and pulling him to the floor to engage in a good old fashioned round of tickle torture.

  “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! You’re not old! I take it back!” he yelled as my fingers went to work on his rib cage.

  I paused, “You mean it?” I asked with a raised brow.

  Finn smiled deviously, “Nope,” he said, laughing in my face.

  “That’s it! You’re going to get it now!” I threatened.

  But just before I could attack, a knock sounded through the house from the front door. Relief filled Finn’s eyes, “HA!” he said, then scrambled to his feet and ran out of the room.

  By the time I made it to the front door he’d already swung it open. There was a woman standing on the other side holding a plate of cookies. “Hi, I’m Vera.” She said, then she stepped to the side revealing a boy about Finn’s age, “And this is Weston. We live next door. Thought we’d come by and welcome you to the neighbourhood.”

  “Oh, hi. I’m Tory, and this is Finn.” I said, placing my hand on Finn’s shoulder. “We haven’t unpacked anything yet, so I can’t offer you anything, but you’re welcome to come inside.”

  Vera smiled, “Oh no, that’s okay love. How about you and Finn come for dinner tonight? That will be one less thing you need to worry about today,” she said with a wink, “It’s been a while since we’ve moved, but I still remember what a hellish task it was.”

  I laughed, she was totally right. This moving thing sucked arse. “Amen to that! Thank you, that would be amazing.”

  Vera smiled back at me, “Okay, well come around any time after five. We live in the house to your right,” she said with a wink then turned to leave.

  “Thanks,” I called out after her.

  The boy, Weston, was still standing on the stoop, I looked to Finn and he was eyeing the boy curiously. I nudged his side, “Why don’t you see if Weston wants to hang out while you start unpacking your room?”